Birth Story Of Joanna Lynn Barker
*Pregnancy story*
We first found out we were pregnant with Jojo on Mother’s Day. I had a feeling I was pregnant and even though it was early, I wanted to take a test and surprise Colin, if possible.
He was utterly shocked and extremely happy and just kept saying it was the best Mothers Day to a father, ever haha.
I was pretty sick the first trimester, which made us both think the baby was a girl. It definitely rivaled the sickness I experienced with Olivia and was hard to cope with with 3 other kids running around but luckily it subsided around 12 weeks.
The second trimester was amazing, as usual. My only complaint was some varicose vein issues which were uncomfortable at times but it was manageable. Especially when I found VeinGuard cream, that took all the pain away.
But right before the third trimester hit, I started to experience lots of back and hip pain. For two months, I tried to manage it on my own with stretching. I continued working out and thought it would get better. But it didn’t and so regular chiropractor visits started to happen.
Right after Christmas, I pushed myself too far and put my sacrum completely out of place and that caused so much pain I had to stop all activity other than the very necessary. I was 35 weeks at that point and had no idea how I was going to be able to handle that amount of pain and still be pregnant for 5+ weeks.
Every night I went to bed praying that God would give me strength. Most mornings I woke with a good attitude and assurance that even if I was in pain, I could do it.
This was a huge test on my faith. It was hard. It was painful. And it made me question so much about my own strength and my trust in God. But I do believe God allowed it to bring me closer to Him.
Through the whole pregnancy, I didn’t allow myself to ponder or pray about how the labor and birth would go. I knew from three pregnancies now, that expectations can ruin birth and sabotage the surrender required to give birth.
That’s not to say I didn’t think about what I’d like to experience, but truly, everytime a thought about it came in I shot it down and prayed “Lord let me release my expectations. You’re in charge. Have mercy on me.” The only things I did to possibly “help” labor was eating dates when I wanted something sweet, drinking red raspberry leaf tea when it sounded good, and taking the Gentle Birth Tincture that was supposed to just optimize your labor but not induce it.
So while I had small list of “wants” for how the birth went, I never let myself visualize and indulge those desires. I wanted so badly to let go of my own control so that Gods good and gracious plan could be worked out. I didn’t want to get in His way.
I stayed busy with the kids and planned lots of activities, baked a ton of bread, put away freezer meals, and planned to continue that way till the baby came.
But as we approached 40 weeks, the whole family came down with a nasty respiratory bug. For all of week 38/39 I was either taking care of all the sickies or being taken care of by Colin. It was awful and so hard to have a terrible cough, sore throats, sinus pressure, goopy eyes, you name it! It was probably the worst sore throat I’d ever had. But since I had gone past 41 weeks with the other kiddos I didn’t expect to have a baby in those weeks anyway, so thank God that range true.
By 40 weeks though, I had mostly recovered and desperately wanted to meet my baby! Even though my back and hip pain had decreased since the baby had engaged in my pelvis I was still experiencing quite a bit of discomfort and just wanted it to end. I had a few good crying sessions that week, one of which was with my oldest sister who also has four kids. It was providential that she called while I was sobbing to my husband and he got out of that one. 🤣
I was experiencing more uterine activity, cramps, Braxton hicks and cramps, and it of course made me want to think labor was imminent but my heart told me it was just priming and we still had a bit to go.
By 41 weeks, the whole family felt better and we were blessed with gorgeous sunny weather in February! So we got to enjoy outside time and soak up the vitamin D. I was in a much better head space and decided I just needed to enjoy these days and be present rather than wish them away. And I’m so glad I did!
41+1 we went hiking and I was actually able to hike without pain! It was seriously a miracle. That night I started to get more regular cramping that was more than Braxton hicks. It woke me up through the night but was pretty sporadic.
41+2 I told Colin was having mild contractions but I didn’t think it would turn into anything so let’s just go on with the day. We had a lovely Sunday, the folks at church were so kind and encouraging and I felt such peace in the day. We had already had a date planned for that evening, the kids were going to a babysitter, so we’d have some time.
Contractions were definitely coming more often and a few of them made me stop and breath. Colin wanted to cancel dinner plans but I didn’t want to just stay home waiting for a contraction to come. So we dropped the kiddos off, went to BJs (SO GOOD), walked around JCP and bought me new jammies, and then went and got the kids.
The whole time contractions were about 8-15 min it’s apart and slowly building in intensity. I still didn’t feel like this was labor but was at peace knowing we were heading in that direction.
41+3 I woke up, a bit disappointed that labor didn’t kick in. I had had contractions all night but I was able to sleep through most of them. And I did have some bloody show in the morning and that was very exciting! A clear sign of progress, which I had prayed for.
I tried my best to have a normal day. We stayed home, except for me going to the chiropractor. She said it was good I went in because my pelvis/sacrum was tucked again (what it did every week) and the adjustment should definitely help get labor going.
Even with that encouragement, I still had to fight negative thoughts and doubt. The mind is such a trickster!
I went home, had lunch, took a nap, and then went for a walk. I needed to get out of my head and pray. My walk was filled with tears as I cried out to God asking for his mercy and strength. The contractions had all but gone away and I didn’t understand why it couldn’t just stay.
The walk definitely helped but contractions were nonexistent till we put the kids to bed. The girls were definitely excited and knew Jojo was coming soon. Olivia had been saying, almost every day for weeks, that she just wanted Jojo to be here.
We went to bed that night with some sporadic contractions, some getting pretty strong, but still sporadic in length and spacing.
Colin gently said that this might just go on for a few days and there’s nothing wrong with that. As much as I didn’t want to hear it, it actually brought me a lot of peace knowing that I didn’t need to be on anybody else’s timeline. No one was expecting me to have a baby at that moment. The baby would come when she/he was ready.
*Birth story*
41+4 I went to bed around 10pm and woke up right after midnight to a change in the contractions. They were strong and longer and I tried to just casually observe that. Miriam came in right then and said she had a bad dream so she snuggled in bed with us while I got a few more contractions.
Around 1230, Colin woke up and put Mimi back to bed, I didn’t say anything about the change in contractions because I wanted him to sleep more. I put my headphones on and listened to my scripture for the day and positive affirmations.
Around 1 I couldn't stand being in bed anymore so I sat on the birth ball, in my dark room, leaning on pillows while listening to church music. The contractions were coming closer together, around 10 minutes apart, and I just kept focusing on peace, relaxing, and giving all my fear to God.
By 2 I was getting hungry and needed to change positions. I went downstairs to the kitchen, made a snack, decided to clean the kitchen a bit more, all while contractions were getting stronger and coming closer together. I continued to labor using the counter as support, telling my body that each contraction was good and I welcomed them to bring my baby down. So while the intensity grew, my mind was sharp. I was so happy to be in labor and I trusted that God was working.
By 3 I went to Colin and asked him to blow up the birth pool. I didn’t need it quite yet but I thought by the time it was ready I’d be glad it was done. Blowing up the pool woke up Olivia so she hung out in our room a while, while I labored and Colin set up.
Around 4 I told Colin I wasn’t sure if I should call our midwife yet and he said “give it till 5, if you're still unsure, don’t call” which was exactly the time I had thought as well!
But by 5, contractions had slowed down again 🙃 as much as I wanted to be frustrated I was also tired. So I decided to trust my body and I laid down. Contractions spaced enough for me to get some rest and I woke up close to 7 to David’s normal morning routine.
Again, as much as I wanted to get frustrated and sad labor didn’t seem to be staying, I didn’t let negative thoughts in.
I snuggled and read a book to David while we both had a snack, the girls joined us and the morning started like every other day, except I was having contractions that were growing in intensity but only coming every 10-15 minutes.
From about 8-10am, we were all just hanging out downstairs. Colin stayed home and we enjoyed another sunny morning with crazy kids running around.
Contractions were getting harder and coming more often and by 10 I was starting to want Colin’s help more so we sent the kids outside, thank God for another sunny day!
Colin suggested I call the midwife so we had reinforcements but I still worried it was too early! But I called the midwife at 1025, told her how I was doing. Contractions were coming every 3-4 minutes but I was starting to want more help. She said it sounded perfectly reasonable to head over so I told her not to rush but make your way here.
Colin finished filling up the birth pool, put on Lelo and Stich for the kids and then he and I worked through some contractions upstairs. I was starting to get tired so we both laid down and the contractions spaced again… but with everyone that did come they were very intense. I had to visualize my cervix opening and tell myself not to be afraid. Contractions spaced to about every 15 minutes and I was able to sleep between them.
By the time the midwife got to the house at 1130, I was resting in bed and worried I’d called too soon. I told her how I was feeling, contractions were about every 10 minutes but strong, and I was ready to move things along.
She first asked if I had any fears or hesitations that might be holding me back. I told her I truly couldn’t think of anything! I just didn’t want to have called her too soon… so she suggested we try walking the stairs a few times to see if the contractions would get closer together. It really didn’t do much and if anything, it lessened the intensity.
I was annoyed but she suggested that maybe I should just go eat lunch with the kiddos downstairs and take the break. She would leave if nothing picked up.
I told her I wanted to try sitting on the toilet for a few contractions and then I’d try the lunch idea.
But while I was sitting on the toilet, I wiped and I felt a bulge! Not normal! Then it hit me and I said “uhh Joanna (midwife) I think I’m feeling my bag of waters!”
She came into the bathroom and just looked at me… I said “um can you check me??”
She said “that’s probably a good idea” 😆
All the while, I’m having very few contractions…
It was about 12 when she checked me and after doing a thorough assessment, she said “I am not feeling any cervix. You’re completely dilated and the baby's head is only about 3 inches in…”
I looked at her and said “what!? There’s no way!”
I simply couldn’t believe that the sporadic work I’d done over the last 11 hours was all… was it hard work, yes! But I had breaks and moments of laughter and next to no fear. It didn’t feel like enough!
Regardless, I was fully dilated and enjoying the “rest and be thankful phase”. Joanna said it could last for a few minutes or a few hours but there was no reason to rush this. Colin came upstairs to us giggling and I joyfully told him I was fully dilated! He couldn’t understand why we were laughing, and I couldn’t believe I was laughing just moments before transition.
Within a few minutes I got a big contraction and shifted to what I knew as transition. I leaned into Colin while Joanna supported my hips, and then we went back to talking and laughing. It was AMAZING!
The kiddos all came upstairs once my vocalizations changed and were crowding the bed. I had a couple more contractions and the kids kept asking “when are you going to get in the pool!?”
I still didn’t want to stall labor, LOL, and worked through a few more very intense contractions at the bathroom sink with Joanna on my back.
With her sweet encouragement, I could feel in every fiber of her being that she believed in me. And the grace of God was palpable. I told her I couldn’t believe I was so blessed by His providence and that this labor was turning out to be pure magic. We were both in tears.
I finally got a contraction that made Colin pop his head in the bathroom and say “uhhh that sounds like you’re pushing maybe you should get in the pool”
I thought it was so sexy that he knew what I needed just because he had heard me labor before 😂
So into the pool I went, about 1220… yes, all of the above transpired in only 20 minutes.
Once in the pool, I had to fight another moment of fear. I didn’t want to go through hours of transition but I banished it and asked for Gods mercy. But I did look up at Joanna and Colin and say “do I have to do this??” And they both joyfully said “yep!”
I looked at the kids and said “maybe you should go play, we will probably be here a while” Liv didn’t want to leave but Mimi and David were easily persuaded with ABC mouse. I had no idea how close I was.
I was overcome with emotion right before pushing, I quietly cried while thanking God for his abundant mercy. I’ll never understand why I was given such a beautiful experience.
At 1230, I tried bearing down with the contraction but it wasn’t like I held my breath and pushed, I just let out my big moan and pushed into the space while visualizing baby coming down. When it was done Colin said “did you push with that one!?” And Joanna responded “Yepp!” And we called all the kids back in 😝
I loved that they were all in tune with me and I didn’t have to respond.
With the next contraction my pushing broke my water and I grunted “water!” And continued pushing till her head was right at the opening and I was having to force myself to breathe through the stretching and intense sensations. It was definitely the “ring of fire” but I was trying to not think of it that way because I didn’t want to be negative lol
With the next contraction I worked her head out, all while making lots of noise, but I did it as slowly as I could manage so that I wouldn’t tear. Still don’t know how I managed that amount of control.
And then we had probably a minute break while we waited for another contraction for her shoulders. I described her soft head and her ears, I think I did this to calm myself down. Fear was telling me I couldn’t get her shoulders out and the pain was too much. But again, I prayed, and released it.
When the final contraction came I started to bear down but didn’t feel like I could do it but a still, soft voice said to me “lift your leg, push harder”. I fully believe this was the Holy Spirit. So I did and her shoulder unhooked and she slid right into my hands at 12:43pm. 😭
Colin has this uncanny intuition that as soon as he sees the baby he knows the sex and he said “I think we have a girl…!” I checked and to my utter surprise, we had a baby Girl!
Olivia burst into hysterical tears of joy, Miriam and David both were so happy to have a sister, and Colin and I just looked at each other with pure wonder.
My midwife was absolutely amazing and strictly kept her hands off me and the baby, as I had asked. She only stepped in when I had a gush of blood for the placenta and then gave me a bowl to put it in after I pushed it out. She helped me out of the pool and into bed.
It couldn’t have gone any better.
The few scripture verses I clung to through my pregnancy and especially in the final weeks were
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.”
“I waited patiently for the Lord and he delivered me from my distress”
And just to illustrate how God truly answers the prayers of our heart without us even asking, this is a list of small desires I had for this birth but wouldn’t let myself ask because I didn’t want to get in the way of God's plan. So while I had these thoughts, I didn’t let myself ponder them. Rather as soon as my own desire started to come in, I would change my thought to “but not my will Lord, your will be done.”
-to give birth before 42 weeks
-to go into labor spontaneously
-to labor less than 12 hours
-to give birth during the day, as if it was just any normal day, with my husband and all children present
All of them were granted to me.
