Birth Story of Olivia Theophania Barker

I will begin by saying that even though Olivia’s birth was not the experience I had prepared and hoped for, it was the birth I needed and it has made me a better wife, mom, and nurse. 

As a labor and delivery nurse, I had many ideas of what my ideal birth would be. I knew I wanted as natural of an approach as possible with little intervention. Many people ask me why I wanted this after seeing many women give birth and honestly, I just felt like I was capable of delivering a baby all on my own. With that in mind, I wasn’t naive enough to think that I didn’t need to prepare. In the months leading up to Olivia’s birth, I listened to countless birth stories, particularly ones of women giving birth without medical interventions. I also exercised 4 to 5 times per week and ate a balanced diet. Because of all my preparations, I approached labor and delivery with excitement and determination. I never wrote down my birth preferences because from my experience as an L&D nurse, I have seen women’s birth plans rarely pan out simply because her expectations were set and she wasn’t willing to mold to the birth experience her body and baby needed. Ultimately, of course, all I wanted was a healthy baby and to never have my autonomy taken away. 

Overall, my pregnancy was very smooth, thank God. I had nausea, vomiting and severe fatigue until about 16 weeks. After that, my biggest complaint was pelvic and back pain for the remainder of my pregnancy. I am grateful that I was able to stay active because I know that helped immensely. I started seeing a chiropractor when I was 36 weeks pregnant and I truly believe that’s why my last 5 weeks of pregnancy were actually enjoyable. I never expected Olivia to come on her due date or even within 2017. And actually I was ok with her coming in 2018 because I liked the number more… (my husband thinks I’m crazy!) 

Well she did make us wait and by the time we got to my 41 week appointment I was still feeling optimistic but honestly getting nervous. I had been having prodromal labor for several days and nights. There were two nights where we were very close to going to the hospital only for the contractions to die down again. Despite the fall labor, I thought this was a good sign and my body would kick in. So, when we went to the 41 week appointment my doctor did an amniotic fluid check and placenta check. He told us her fluid was on the low side of normal and her placenta looked “mature” but that was to be expected with a “term” baby. He then told us we could be induced whenever we like or continue to wait for me to kick into labor. After a lot of prayer and talking with one another (Colin and I), we decided that if my body didn’t kick into labor on its own we would schedule an induction at 41 weeks 4 days. Meanwhile, I continued to do everything I could to kick labor into high gear. I walked and walked, ate spicy foods, homeopathy, pumping, ect... and nothing helped. All the while I was in tears over being induced because I had seen so many women go in for induction and walk out with an incision. Of course there were many successful induction stories but I was already dreading walking down the path of intervention. 

On Friday morning, January 5th, Colin and I arrived at the hospital ready for induction. It was so weird getting to the hospital while not in labor. However, I was having mild, irregular contractions so I prayed that my body only needed a little kick to start active labor. After discussing our options again with my doctor, we started with a foley dilation balloon. I was already 2-3 cm dilated but my cervix was still thick and posterior. Once the balloon was in place it only took about 20 minutes before I started getting stronger contractions and by an hour I was having contractions that I had to concentrate on to get through while Colin rubbed my back. In all the inductions I have witnessed, I never knew balloons could bring on such strong contractions! But if I concentrated hard enough I could literally feel my uterus relax and I was able to manage the pain. These contractions lasted for an hour or two before dying back down to mild ones. My doctor had told me to inform my nurse when the contractions died down because that meant the balloon was through my cervix. But in my experience balloons never came out in under 8 hours and usually had to be taken out at 12 hours, so I never expected it to only take two hours. But I told my nurse and then went walking the halls but quickly came back because it felt like the balloon was coming out. I asked for my doctor to check me and found out I was already 5 cms! We were so excited and very surprised. 

Unfortunately, though, my body did not maintain the strong contractions I was feeling with the balloon so my doctor recommended pitocin. This was one intervention I dreaded because I knew not only the dangers of pitocin but also the fact that even the most determined women have ended up with epidurals because the contractions are unrelenting. So with this in mind, I asked that we go slow with the pitocin so that I could manage the contractions. Around 1 o’clock the pitocin was started but by 6 o’clock I was still only feeling moderate contractions. Nothing had been like the hour or so I had experienced with the balloon so we decided maybe breaking my water would kick things up. And then I was thinking, “well onto the next intervention, what the hell.” 

Breaking my water did kick in labor as well as the increase in pitocin. By this point, I was 6-7 cm dilated and finally starting to thin out but my cervix was still posterior... By 9 o’clock I was back to the ridiculously hard contractions but now I was unable to feel my uterus relax as I had with the natural contractions. I was able to concentrate enough to keep almost my entire body relaxed but I could never feel myself “open” like I needed to. But, the thought of an epidural never entered my mind. I was simply doing what needed to be done and just kept on. I tried resting in between contractions and with lavender essential oils running and quiet church music playing it worked pretty well. The lights were dim and we were rarely bothered unless the monitors needed to be adjusted or the pitocin increased. It was just Colin and I working as a team and we were great. And after doing that for 6 hours I started feeling rectal pressure as well as a bit shaky and nauseous. All good signs that my body was progressing! Yay! So I told my nurse and my doctor came to check me. On a funny note, when my doctor came in I was on hands and knees with a monster contraction but when I turned around I gave him a thumbs up and said “Let’s do this.” Clearly overestimating how far I was. And you guessed it I was still 6-7 cm. 

At this point, I told my doctor I wanted IV pain medication so that I could relax but he quickly shot that down and said he thought I should get an epidural. Well I shut that down just as quickly because I honestly didn’t think I needed it! I was then given Benadryl and Stadol and quickly went into a drugged sleep. It was the most bizzare thing I have ever experienced! I could not move even if I wanted to and the nurses were having a hard time keeping Olivia’s heart rate on the monitor. She was never in distress, just avoiding the monitors and causing the nurses a lot of annoyance… So over the next few hours I slept a little bit but seriously thought I was back in the 1970s with the images that were dancing across my eyes. SO weird. 

By 6 am I was awake but the contractions had died down even though I was on a significant dose of pitocin. By 7 am, 24 hours since we started, my doctor was in my room and told me I was due for a cesarean section. This was sprung upon me while Colin was sleeping and I was coming out of the bathroom. It was the one time the entire experience that I felt like my autonomy had been taken. It seemed there was no room for discussion. I didn’t even have an epidural, Olivia was not in distress, and I hadn’t been checked in hours. But my doctor just said, “You know you have failed to progress.” But I asked for him to check me again and then we could make a decision. And again, I was still 6-7 but finally my cervix had thinned out completely. I saw this as a huge win! But my Doctor wasn’t happy and recommended either an epidural or straight to c-section. The only thing that seemed to give me hope was the fact that my sister had also stalled at 7 cms with all of her babies so I called her for some guidance. She was able to give me such sweet and calming reassurance that we still had options and as long as Olivia was ok, I was strong enough to keep going.

So, like every other intervention before, it was with tears in my eyes that I said I would get an epidural and continue to increase the pitocin. I knew this was my last shot for a vaginal delivery. I was already devastated, exhausted, and so disappointed. But, it took another 4 hours to get my epidural because my nurse was incompetent. I do not say this lightly because I know exactly what the job is. She ignored my doctor and I many times and rarely turned up the pitocin as ordered. Colin was frustrated at this point and I was a blubbering mess because it felt like nothing was going right. By the time the anesthesiologist came in I was barely managing my contractions with all that had happened. 

Finally, at 1130, I was laying down, epidural in place, trying to fall asleep. When I woke up, about 45 minutes later, I was sad to feel nothing. It may seem crazy but I felt like I wasn’t myself anymore. At this point Colin and I started talking about the reality that I may need a c section. I told him what he could expect and also tried to get myself to be “okay” with what was happening.

When my doctor came in to check my progress we were delighted to hear that I had finally made it to 8 cm! But, my cervix was still posterior. So, I started doing everything I would do for my own patient who needed to dilate. I had Colin and my nurse prop my legs open as wide as possible, switched from hands and knees to kneeling (all with Colins help, of course). In the midst of this my nurse basically told me that a csection was inevitable and it was my fault because I had come in with a plan… I couldn’t believe it! She said, “Well you know what happens when moms come in with birth plans. You shouldn’t have had such a plan.” I didn’t even know what to say to her. I knew she was right but I refused and still do, to believe that it was my preparation that was the reason my induction was not going smoothly…

Anyway, by 4 o’clock I started feeling contractions again so I called my doctor back in.

At this point, I was at a dose of at least 20 mUnits/min and one might expect contractions to be in a perfect 2-3 minute pattern. But they weren’t and my cervix was still at an 8 and still posterior. And I knew that all my months of preparation didn’t matter because my baby was not going to come vaginally. Taking into consideration all that had happened… 34 hours from the start line, we all decided that our Little Stubborn Babe needed to come out. 

I had so many emotions welling up inside of me. Sheer disappointment being the strongest. But I also knew that I was going to see my baby very soon and ultimately that was the only thing that made the last 34 hours bearable. 

After being prepped for surgery, my epidural spiked so I felt nothing below the chest, I was the one behind the blue curtain. And at 1706, on January 6th, 2018, our perfect, chunky baby girl, Olivia Theophania Barker, was born. Incredibly, when I saw her for the first time I was not surprised by how she looked, other than how chubby she was, because I had been dreaming about that very baby for over a year! She weighed in at 8 lbs 13 oz and was 19.5 inches long. She was incredibly perfect and barely cried! 

Once in recovery, I finally got to hold her on my chest. Like I had dreamed about for so long. It wasn’t how I truly had hoped, pulling her up onto me so that I was the first to hold her, but she was there. Warm and safe. She nursed perfectly and for a moment everything that had happened in the last 35 hours didn’t matter. 

It was truly the most humbling experience I have ever been through. How many times before have I had a patient in an almost identical scenario and I questioned how they could agree to an induction let alone a c/section. And now, I have such empathy for the mothers and families who I work with. 

Still, it is painful thinking about my labor because it went in the complete opposite direction than I had hope. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t wonder if things could have gone differently if we didn’t induce, didn’t start pitocin, didn’t break my water… but the truth is, I’ll never know. I do however, still believe that my body is capable of a vaginal birth and I pray that one day I can experience the birth I prepared and prayed for.

Ultimately, I know that I had to experience Olivia’s labor and birth to make me a better mother, wife, friend, and nurse. And I thank God every moment that our sweet Rainbow babe, made it safely Earth side.