8 Steps to Take Today to Eliminate Motherhood Burnout

“I want to find joy in motherhood again.” I sobbed to my husband early on a Tuesday morning. We were coming off of an extremely hard week and I felt as though I was carrying a 1000lbs on my shoulders and my brain had 47 tabs open waiting to fire. 

I won’t lie, this has been a hard season. Motherhood “shouldn’t” feel like this and yet after talking to some friends, I realized most of us feel overwhelmed and on the verge of burnout more often than we’d like to admit. Even if you’re keenly aware of your limitations and take steps to avoid burnout, it’s inevitable because we are sinners living in a fallen world. 

One friend said to me, “Girl. Is it like the weather or the season? Or just settling into 4? Because I am feeling very depressed too, and struggling.” Another said, “I’M ON THE STRUGGLE BUS RIGHT NOW! Lol!!” and yet another mom, “I’m glad I’m not the only one. Winter is HARD.”

What do we have in common? We all have four kids… We’re all stay-at-home moms… None of us have family or help… it’s winter… all of the above? Either way, it got me thinking: Why am I feeling like this, and what can I do to minimize the “struggle bus”? Can anything make this season easier to navigate and allow me to find joy once again? 

If there is one thing I’ve noticed it’s that my attitude sets the mood of the home. Whether stressed or joyful, my children usually follow suit. So, if mothers are the keepers of the home, especially Christian mothers, what can we do to ride the waves of the ever-changing ocean of motherhood? 

Sugarcoating it and saying “Oh just choose to be joyful” feels fake and a bit condescending. And that’s coming from someone who LOVES being a mother. In my best moments, I see myself with 10 children gleefully running through fields of wildflowers or snuggling with a good book and cup of cocoa. But that’s not my everyday attitude. 

More often than I’d like to admit, I’m disgruntled. Selfish. Annoyed. Tired. Hangry. Or overstimulated. And then these feelings overflow into my children and separate me from my husband. 

And as much as I’d love to say “It’s the devil! He made me do it!” I’m the only one who is responsible for my snippet remarks or blustered reactions. I’m the only one who’s capable of controlling my tongue and setting a better example. 

But I don’t have to do this all alone. And neither do you, dear sister. We have a good God who loves us and desires “not the death of a sinner but rather that he should return and live”. We have to pause, breathe, and invite God in. Invite him into the chaos of your life and ask him to bless it. 

I once heard another mom say, “Our Lord was always being touched and interrupted. He specifically went away to pray and was still interrupted! Why are you expecting no interruptions as a mother?” 

Knife to the heart. I’m so selfish and have a lot of growing up to do! So, after my monumental meltdown that led me to be brutally honest with myself and my husband, both good things, we discussed proven ways for me to change my attitude. 

The following list has proved time and time again to help me out of a funk. The problem comes when the depression or intrusive thoughts get too loud for me to remember them. 

So below you’ll find 8 steps you can take TODAY that are FREE and easy to accomplish. Don’t forget to print off the checklist that you can put on the fridge, the mirror, or the bathroom so when you get overwhelmed you can remember what is needful. 

1. Nourish Your Soul

First and foremost start with prayer. My husband often tells his parishioners, “If you can’t do ten minutes, do five. If you can’t do five minutes, do one. If you can’t do one, cross yourself first thing in the morning and thank God for your day.” Start your day with prayer. Invite Him in and ask Him to bless the chaos. My spiritual father advises me to, “Start the day with the best intention and say: ‘Today, I will do my very best, and the rest, God will have to do.”

I know all too well how easy it is to let the day hit the ground running and say, “I’ll pray after breakfast… I’ll pray after school… I’ll pray after x, y, z, task” But we all know that the tasks of motherhood never end. So start your day with intentional prayer, even if it’s “just” the Jesus prayer and a prostration. Talk to your spiritual father about a specific prayer rule for your season. 

2. Breath

As Orthodox Christians, we are not blessed to do breathing and visualization with prayer but taking deep relaxing breaths can profoundly calm the nervous system. Before reacting to a child’s outburst or a moment of frustration I take a deep breath, say the Jesus prayer, or ask the Theotokos to help me with whatever the situation is, and then respond. When I remember to do this, I show my children what self-control looks like and rarely is the situation so dire that it warrants a bigger reaction. 

Am I perfect at remembering this? Absolutely not. But when I pause and breath I’m more likely to pray and react appropriately. 

3. Make a List

When my brain feels like there are 47 tabs open, the best thing I can do is get some of it out of my brain and onto paper. I have tried planners, whiteboards, notes on my phone, notes on scrap paper, etc. I’d love to say I have a single spot for my “brain dumps” but I don’t. Maybe at some point, I’ll use the planners I keep buying (maybe?). Regardless, even the random piece of paper with my child’s latest drawing is better than letting it fester and swirl in my head.

4. Nourish Your Body

It wasn’t until I had my 4th baby that I experienced being too busy to eat. See, I love food, so it was always easy for me to remember to feed myself. But goodness, some days just fly by before I remember to eat something more than a half-eaten apple or a handful of cashews. 

So if your head is spinning, make a meal of something more than leftover crumbs, sit down, pray, and eat. The house will not burn down while you calm down and nourish yourself. While you’re at it, go use the bathroom too, and drink a full glass of water. Your body will thank you!

5. Nourish Your Mind

I credit my mom for my love of learning. She got her bachelor's degree when we were children and she worked tirelessly to pursue her passion of counseling. And now, I realize the wisdom in her pursuit. She needed something outside of the consistent caretaking to stimulate her mind to make her a better mom. 

You might be thinking, but how!? How can I find time to pursue my interests when I only have time to care for my husband, children, and home? While I’m not telling you to pursue a degree, I am encouraging you to have something that excites and educates you. Even if that’s simply how to keep a more organized home or clean up your family's diet — heck, you’re here now, reading about how to help your mothering! 

Nourish your mind with spiritual reading, continuing education, or choose a thought-provoking podcast. I guarantee that finding something that is “just for you” will help you be a more present and compassionate mom. 

6. Connect With Your Children

I hate to admit this, but sometimes it’s easier for me to do housework or teach a math lesson than it is to truly connect with my kids. I mean, slow down, look them in the eye, and do something that is important to them. 

Whether that is coloring, doing legos, or teaching handcraft; all of my children have different areas of connection and if I choose to intentionally connect with them, we calm down and regulate. Usually, this doesn’t take more than a couple of minutes! 

Next time your child invites you to play with them, just try 5 minutes. The dishes can wait. The laundry can wait. The text back can wait. Give yourself the gift of connection and watch your nervous system calm down almost instantly. It’s not a surprise that researchers are harping on the importance of connection in the age of anxiety and depression. And how you respond to stress impacts your child's well-being for the rest of their lives. So don’t discredit the small moments of connection with your children. 

7. Get Moving

I don’t know about you, but I am an endorphin junkie! I always have been. Give me the highest roller coaster, fastest mile, or heaviest lift, and my mood skyrockets. At the time of writing, I’m climbing a mountain on my treadmill! All in the name of helping my stress level normalize. 

So find some sort of movement. It could be a dance party with your kids, a brisk walk with the dog, or even a walking workout on YouTube! When the crazies strike and no one seems happy, try moving your body and get your heart rate pumping. 

Better yet, connect your movement to prayer and do prostrations. There is a reason the Orthodox church encourages us to use our senses and movement in prayer! I’m sure a few prostrations with a prayerful heart can change any situation.

8. Get Creative

Humans are made to create! Why else would God create us to be rulers of the earth and give us curious minds? Women especially, are co-creators with Christ during pregnancy and are hard-wired to create so, find something creative that sparks joy. 

I enjoy knitting, writing, and sewing. There is something very soothing and methodical about these arts that calm and ground me. They take focus and require me to slow down, something that is hard to come by in today’s very busy world. 

9. Get Outside

The great outdoors! Is there anything that it can’t help? Throw some kids outside with an open field, a running creek, or a winding path and I guarantee the whole mood will change. I once heard, “There’s no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing.” And isn't that the truth?? Children usually only need a firm push on an adventure to then lose themselves in our Lord’s creation. 

It’s not surprising there's a growing movement of “grounders”. They recognize that God created the world good. He gave it to us as a gift and we can use it whenever the moments of overwhelm get too loud. 

You got this! Ride the Waves of Motherhood

Now, dear friend, pick at least one, and do it! Jump up and down, sing a silly song, do prostrations, start a new craft. It doesn’t matter if it’s messy. It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t produce fruit or accomplish a task. Join me in reclaiming joy in motherhood and letting go of the “picture-perfect” unattainable image the world is trying to offer us. Slow down. Take a deep breath. Pray the Jesus Prayer. And reclaim motherhood as a gift and joy.

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