9 Items to Have When Preparing for a Miscarriage at Home
If you're here because you’ve been told your baby has passed in your womb, I’m so deeply sorry for your loss. I pray this article helps you prepare for one of life’s hardest moments. If you’re interested, you can read about my two miscarriages here. I had one miscarriage at home and another surgically managed with a D&C.
Miscarriage or pregnancy loss is more common than previously known. I don't think we will ever know whether that’s because more people are talking about it or because of environmental reasons. But the fact is, if it’s not you, it’s one of your friends or sisters or a woman at church whose experiencing a miscarriage. Please, don’t forget to share this article with someone who may need it.
May it be blessed.
*Please remember this information is for educational purposes only.
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What to Expect During a Miscarriage at Home
Though many medical professionals, even my own OB 8 years ago, will tell you that a miscarriage is similar to a heavy period, that is rarely the case. Unless you just missed your period and you begin bleeding shortly after a positive pregnancy test, your body will have to go through some measure of labor to expel your departed baby and his placenta from your body.
This means contractions and bleeding. If you’re not aware that this can happen during a miscarriage it can be scary and worrisome. Though there can be complications with a miscarriage, the majority of women should be able to miscarry and recover safely at home.
Like labor with a healthy pregnancy and full-term baby, labor will look different for every woman. You may labor for 10 minutes, have a huge gush of blood, and expel the baby very quickly. While others will labor for a few hours or even days, bleed on and off, and finally birth your baby and/or baby’s placenta after much turmoil.
Clots are normal as long as they’re smaller than a golf ball size and the further you get in your pregnancy, the bigger your baby and his placenta will be. However, if you experience a missed miscarriage, your baby will likely be smaller than your expected week of pregnancy.
However your body decides to labor and deliver you want to be aware of warning signs that may require medical attention such as:
Filling 2 “super heavy” pads in one hour
Feeling light-headed, clammy, or short-of-breath
Losing conciseness
Uncontrollable pain
Spiking a sustained temperature indicating infection
If you think something is wrong, please speak to your medical provider or go to the Emergency Room.
9 Items to Have For a Miscarriage at Home
Some women may not have an opportunity to prepare for a miscarriage but if you’re in a position to prepare, it may help you wrap your head around the situation and find control in the uncontrollable. If your body knows it's supposed to miscarry, it will happen without the following things, but these can help to ease the burden of miscarriage.
Held In Hope is a nonprofit organization who provides Miscarriage Support boxes. They supply hospitals, birth centers, emergency rooms, and midwifery practices, but I think they are a valuable resource but you can purchase a kit for yourself if it’s easier than assembling each piece.
Icons, Incense, Prayer Rope, and Hymns
During my first miscarriage, I found it incredibly comforting to have the Paraklesis to the Mother of God playing. I had listened and prayed the service many times before but it took on a whole new meaning during a time of immense grief. You may also find it comforting to listen to the Paschal Service for it’s in the hope of the Resurrection and Life Eternal that we can rest during a time of loss.
I’d also grab my prayer rope and try to cling to it or have my husband pray the Jesus Prayer while I labored. When you anchor yourself in Christ, there will be “Peace which surpasses all human reasoning” Philippians 4:7.
2. Support Person
Ideally, this person is your husband, but if you’re in a position where a. your husband isn’t there or b. you don’t have a husband, please talk to someone you trust to come and be with you. Pray for discernment in who that person might be and try not to be afraid of asking for help.
Assuming you have a husband or partner to support you, communicate, ask for prayers, allow him to serve you, and then when it’s over, nourish and grieve with you. The devil wants us to believe we’re alone but if you’re able to lean on a loved one you will be comforted more than if you grieved alone.
3. Help With Other Children
If you have older children who require more tender care than your husband or you can give during this time, I’d try to find someone to come and care for them. But, I’d also pray for God to comfort your children as He sees fit and trust that it will work even if you don’t have outside help during the miscarriage. After the miscarriage, it’s appropriate to ask for help so that you can rest and recover. Remember, this is a postpartum period, and asking for help with help everyone involved.
4. Comfort Measures
As I mentioned above, a miscarriage at home is usually much more than a heavy period. I love water and heat for comfort, so I chose the shower, bath, and a heating pad. But if you don’t find comfort there consider many pillows, slow swaying, or bouncing on an exercise ball. You may also want pain medicine to dampen the contraction pain. Arnica Montana is my go-to for any aches and pains. Or if you’re comfortable with over-the-counter (OTC) pharmaceuticals, Ibuprofen or Acetaminophen may be appropriate.
5. Maxi Pads or Adult Diapers
With any miscarriage, the tell-tale sign is bleeding. Therefore, you’re going to want something to catch the blood. If you feel more comfortable being on the toilet or towels, that’s a great option. But if you want to see how much blood you’re losing or be more mobile while laboring, pads or a diaper can be helpful.
6. Towels or Chuck Pads
One trick I saw for catching any pregnancy tissues, i.e. your baby or his placenta, is to put a towel between the seat and bowel. That way when you urinate the liquid goes into the toilet but any solids are caught if you want to be able to bury your baby or any parts of pregnancy.
You’ll also want to protect your bed or surfaces with disposable chucks pads or towels.
7. Colander or Mesh Strainer
If you want to catch your baby and/or his placenta to burry, you need a way to strain the blood from everything else if you’re laboring over the toilet. You can either put a colander in the toilet or do the towel technique I mentioned above. If you don’t have either, you’ll have to be aware of everything that's exiting your body.
8. Clean Container or Small Box
If you’re going to bury your baby, which I strongly suggest you do, you need something to put him or his placenta/tissues in. I simply grabbed a plastic container and then put it in a cardboard box, pictured below, for burial. I think for my second miscarriage I simply buried the plastic container that I was given after my D&C.
We were able to bury both of our babies at St. Tikhon’s Monastery. We ordered these garden stones to place over their gravesites.
9. A Comfortable Place to Rest and Recover
This is probably a no-brainer but it needs to be said, YOU NEED REST FOLLOWING A MISCARRIAGE. Even if yours is smooth and painless. Your body was pregnant and now it’s not and it will take time to find a normal way of life. Stay in bed, eat nourishing food, pray, and honor the recovery needed.
Aftercare and Follow-Up After a Miscarriage at Home
A miscarriage is considered “complete” when cramping and bleeding have slowed down after the peak where you likely had an expulsion from your vagina of your baby and/or his placenta. Bleeding will continue for a few weeks, similar to a period or mini-postpartum. Some moms only bleed for a week while others bleed for 5-6 weeks like a full-term pregnancy.
Majority of women will miscarry without complication but if you experience any of the following, consult your medical provider for evaluation.
Prolonged heavy bleeding
Vaginal discharge with a rotting smell
Pelvic pain
Fever
Racing heartrate
Loss of consciousness
Now it’s time to pick up the pieces of your heart and heal. True healing can only come from Christ our Lord and it may take you some time to find a new rhythm of life. If this loss happened before you’ve had any other children, my heart yearns for you. Cry out to the Lord and His Holy Mother for comfort. If you have other children to care for, don’t be afraid to love on them even more and if you need help caring for them, there is no shame in community.
I strongly encourage journaling and talking to your husband to process your emotions around the miscarriage. It’s important to note that the way your husband grieves may look different from your and this is ok. If you feel that your emotions are bordering postpartum depression or anxiety, please don’t ignore that intuition. It’s entirely possible to have postpartum depression, anxiety, or rage, following a miscarriage.
For some unknown reason, a woman’s fertility is usually heightened post miscarriage, so don’t be surprised if you notice signs of ovulation in the following weeks. In general, there is no contraindication to getting pregnant after a miscarriage. If you and your husband feel ready to try, then you’re ready. If trying to conceive is on your mind and heart, first talk to your husband and make sure you’re on the same page. You can also talk to your priest about any spiritual regime he may recommend during this time of healing.
Ultimately, life after a miscarriage will have it’s ups and downs just like any other times of grief. For some, you will bear the burden quietly and only share your grief with your husband, while others may feel a need to share their story in order to share the life and loss of their baby. Neither is right or wrong, simply what each mother needs to continue.
If you found this article helpful, I’d appreciate a comment below on what you found helpful during your miscarriage. And don’t forget to share this article with whomever needs help preparing for a miscarriage at home.
