6 Ways to Support a Loved One After a Miscarriage
Although miscarriages are more readily talked about these days, many couples still suffer alone. So, if you know someone who has had a miscarriage, consider how deeply they trust you to know about their loss. Caring for someone through a miscarriage takes careful consideration. You don’t want to overstep and say something hurtful, but staying silent and ignoring the situation may be more painful in the long run to your friendship.
Every couple is different, so gauge each situation as its own. Most importantly, listen, pray, and be a peaceful presence with the person who has lost a baby. Consider the following ways of supporting a loved one through a miscarriage.
How to Support a Loved One After a Miscarriage
1. Pray
First and foremost, our life as Christians is meant for prayer, whether in thanksgiving or mourning, prayer is our communication to the Lord. So if you know someone who has had a miscarriage, pray for them. Light a candle at church, consider praying the Paraklesis to the Mother of God, or do extra prostrations for them. You can’t pray too much for your loved ones.
2. Listen
Many of us aren’t great listeners. We want to intervene with our own opinions and experiences, and while some people appreciate that, I’ve found that people who are suffering from a loss just need to be heard. Whatever they say, however they feel, needs to be seen and heard. If they ask for your opinion or story, of course, give it, but try to be a present and prayerful ear.
3. Bring a Meal
I’m sure you’re not someone who would go to a friend's house after a death with nothing in hand, but I want to make it crystal clear how helpful it is to not have to cook after a miscarriage. Most people understand that postpartum after a full-term healthy baby needs help but not many people realize just how much rest and time it takes to recover after a miscarriage. Please bring a nourishing meal when you go and visit and consider setting up a meal train if you are a part of a larger community together.
4. Help With Other Kiddos
If the family has older children that need care, consider taking the kiddos to the park or out to lunch so that Mom can rest. The older kids might not understand what’s going on and some time out of the house can be extremely helpful for the whole family.
5. Help With House Chores
Even though a miscarriage may not be as intense as full-term labor (though it can come close), it still requires a lot of rest. A clean house can go a long way to help a family feel “normal” but mom may not be able to get it done as she sees fit. If you excel at house cleaning, ask how you can put your skills to use.
6. Give a Gift
If you can afford a gift for your loved one, here are a few simple ideas that can go a long way in bringing comfort and simply acknowledging the state the mother may be in.
Comfort Items for Mom
Though these may seem superfluous, a simple gift goes a long way to acknowledge the impact of the loss. I was given a simple mug and tea after my second miscarriage and I still have that mug, 8 years later. It still makes me smile and feel deeply loved by that friend even though we have lost touch in recent years. All that to say, don’t underestimate the power of a simple gift.
Tea and mug
Chocolate or baked good
Candle
Cozy socks
Lotions
Grief Support Box from Draw Near Designs
I appreciate the thought behind these gift bags. Though they aren’t specific to miscarriage, they are still a thoughtful gift that can bring a bit of comfort. If you use my code THESANCTIFIEDWOMB, you can get 10% off your order.
A Book
I read Naming the Child and found it incredibly healing for myself and my husband. I recommend it to anyone who’s miscarried. Though I haven’t read Memory Eternal, it has incredible reviews and I hope to add it to my library in the future.
Naming the Child: Hope-Filled Reflections on Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Death by Jenny Schroedel
Memory Eternal: Living with Grief as Orthodox Christians by Sarah Byrne-Martelli
An Icon
Icons can be a very meaningful gift and often, with prayer, the proper intercessor will reveal themselves to you. I find St. Sophia incredibly comforting when thinking of miscarriage because of her loss of her three daughters. I know it’s not directly related but she gives me comfort when I think of my miscarried babies.
Or this version Protectress of the Unborn
Icon of St. Sophia
A Card
If you don’t know what to say when caring for your loved one, consider one of these beautiful cards. They’re all beautiful enough to be framed and kept as a keepsake and remembrance.
Don’t Overthink It, Your Support Means the World
After a miscarriage, life is dull and very hard to move through. Worse, it’s lonely and often hard to see the other side where life gets easier. If you have a friend in this position, don’t ignore her. Don’t try to brush it off and say, “Well at least you know you can get pregnant.” That just hurts. Even worse, please don’t say something like, “well at least it was early…”, which invalidates the life that was present. But your support is important! Pray, be present, and if you’re able support her with food, a gift, or time.
If you found this article helpful, I’d love if you leave a comment letting me know what you liked. And don’t forget to share it with friends or family who might find it useful.
