5 Steps to Healing From Birth Trauma as an Orthodox Christian
Birth is supposed to be magnificent, transformative, and lifegiving but what happens when it’s not? What happens when you’re left feeling broken and misunderstood? What happens when you aren’t able to connect to your baby? What happens when everyone around you says “But at least you’re healthy!” And you feel unheard and invalidated?
You’re here now, trying to navigate if you have birth trauma and if you do, how do you go about healing from it? And to add a layer to your search, you’re a Christian woman, which makes you weary of secular psychology. You want to heal but you want Christ at the center.
If any of this sounds like you, welcome dear sister. Birth trauma is all too common but not many people know how to name it and then find healing from a Christian perspective. I pray you use this article as a step towards your healing.
Grab your notepad and let's dive in.
What is Birth Trauma?
Birth trauma results from unprocessed emotions, experiences, disappointments, unmet expectations, feelings of “I did it wrong” or “I am not good enough”, or comparisons with other births.
When your brain cannot process the experience, it copes with that distress by ignoring or pushing down the emotions, thoughts, sensations, etc of the distressing event. The memory stays hidden until you’re triggered, which can look like anxiety, panic attacks, feelings of dread, and overwhelm.
So let’s relate this to birth trauma. Say you had an emergency cesarean section (c/s) and your baby almost died because of the mismanaged events. Or, your birth did not go according to your Birth Plan: things were missing, options were limited, and your voice/choices were not heard or validated. Your brain might shut down, so to speak, and forget the details of that event. And then a few months later you pass by a hospital and start to cry and you can’t figure out why.
Birth trauma can happen to anyone, even if you have what looks like a “perfect birth”. You might even feel like you missed the mark because you didn’t have the blissful birth that “all the moms on Instagram talk about”. When in reality there is no such thing as a perfect birth, even if you do all the things to prepare for one.
We know that up to 45% of women in the United States report some sort of birth trauma after their births. Of course, this only takes into account women who talk about their trauma, so there likely could be more women suffering and not knowing how to get help.
But, this is good news for you! You’re not alone. If you’re struggling there is someone who has likely experienced a similar situation or has tools to help you heal from your birth trauma.
Big “T”rauma vs. Little “t”rauma
When it comes to figuring out whether or not you have experienced a traumatic event, it might be tempting to say “Oh it wasn’t that bad… at least my baby didn’t die”, which dismisses the reality that you experienced.
It can be helpful to categorize trauma into two groups.
Big “T” traumas are life and death situations such as emergency c/s, which lead to the death or near death of the mom and baby.
Little “t” traumas refer to situations that might not be life-or-death but still impact you as a person. Your voice was silenced, your choices were dismissed, or actions were taken against you without your consent.
Both types of events can cause your brain to shut down, ignoring the situation to keep you emotionally safe. Both types of trauma are valid and can be healed. So if you think to yourself “Well my birth wasn’t ‘that bad’ my baby and I are alive” but you’re left feeling anxious, depressed, and experiencing panic when you think of your birth, then you might want to consider healing that trauma.
Signs and Symptoms of Birth Trauma
Regardless of what caused the trauma, your experience and perception are what matters. The thing about birth trauma is that it has a ripple effect, which means birth trauma can have a wide-reaching effect on many different areas of your life.
Possible signs and symptoms include:
Difficulty bonding with your baby
Trouble sleeping
Trouble breastfeeding
Not able to remember parts of your birth story
Avoiding your partner, baby, or care provider
Wondering “why I can’t ‘get over’ this”
Unable to discuss other people’s births
Unable to enjoy parenting
Nightmares
Low mood
Hypervigilance
Feeling disconnected, ashamed, angry, intense rage
Suicidal thoughts or plans
Intense worrying
Fear of another birth
Persistent negative thoughts about yourself
Birth trauma can also leave you with negative self-talk, like:
“I failed my birth”
“I’m not good enough”
“I don’t matter”
“I didn’t get the perfect birth, so I’m not a good mother”
“I don’t deserve this because x,y,z”
“I was silenced when I asked for what I wanted and I was ignored”
The good news though? Your body and brain want to heal. God created our bodies to be dynamic and gave us tools to heal.
Can You Heal from Birth Trauma?
Yes! As someone who experienced a traumatic birth, I can say without a doubt, that you can heal your birth trauma.
Some say mental health illness is purely a spiritual issue and others say it’s a physical issue with a chemical imbalance. Fr. Stephen Freeman states, “There is no such distinction. We do not have “spiritual” problems that are not also physical problems, simply because we do not exist as some sort of divisible creatures.”
So as a Christian, healing comes from a spiritual and physical standpoint.
Sacramental Life
First and foremost you should start your healing through the Church. Prayer, fasting, confession, Communion, and holy Unction are all needed to find healing.
The Church is the hospital and it’s available to all of us. Christ tells us that some healing can only come through prayer and fasting (Mark 9:29). Therefore, seek counsel and guidance from your spiritual father. A traumatic birth is never your fault, but your spiritual father's council can help guide you on what steps to take toward healing.
There are also saints who are known to intercede for woman who have been abused or suffered from trauma. Praying to these saints for their intercessions can be very comforting. Mary the Mother of God, St. Olga of Alaska, St. Paraskeva, St. Anna the mother of Mary, and St. Dymphna are all known for their love and compassion to women who have suffered from a traumatic event.
Don’t Compare Your Trauma
Remember I said there are different kinds of traumas? It’s all too easy to brush off your experience and not find healing because you compare your story to another mom.
Just because your experience may differ from others doesn’t mean it’s any less traumatic. Remember, only you can describe an experience as traumatic or not. So, please, be kind to yourself when healing. Your story matters, your experience matters, and if you feel that you need support to work through it, get help!
Therapy
The body and brain want to heal, but sometimes we need more concentrated guidance from a trained professional, in addition to the sacraments of the Church. Once you have discussed your confession and birth experience with your priest, he may give you a blessing to seek further healing from a trained professional.
There is a lot of research to support women through birth trauma, which is good news for you because it means you don’t have to stay in this anxious and traumatized state. However, you must use discernment to find a therapist who follows Christian teachings.
Orthodox Christian Association of Medicine, Psychology, and Religion (OCAMPR) is the OCAMPR is an affiliate ministry of the Assembly of Canonical Orthodox Bishops (formerly SCOBA). OCAMPR health care providers are equipped to help you find healing through therapy (and other means when necessary). You can go to their website to find a practitioner close to you.
A few types of therapy available to heal birth trauma are:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Exposure Therapy
These options can help but generally, it’s a case-by-case basis whether or not a therapist and that mode of therapy is right for you. Do your research and go into therapy with lots of questions so you can have the best outcome for your situation.
Support System
Healing is more difficult when you’re isolated. The Devil wants you to believe that you’re alone and no one can relate to your situation. But that is a lie. Jesus was constantly with his beloved disciples and had their support and love throughout his earthly life.
Jesus tells us, “Where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am also.” Matthew 18:20. So find your tribe. Whether that’s your husband, your mom, or a group of girlfriends, don’t isolate yourself from the ones who love you.
For some women, it may be difficult to tell your birth story but you need to know you are loved and safe. Find somebody who loves and supports you without any judgment.
Forgive Yourself and the People Involved
As women, we often carry guilt and shame that is not our own. It’s essential to let go of any guilt and shame surrounding a traumatic birth. This is where confession and therapy can be extremely helpful.
You made the best decision you could with the information you were given at that moment.
Ask the Holy Mother of God to help you and guide you towards forgiveness. St. Porphyrios relates “. . .everyone who insults you, who hurts you, who slanders you, who do you an injustice in any way whatsoever is a brother of yours who has fallen into the hands of some criminal demon. When you notice that your brother does you an injustice what should you do? You must feel very sorry for him, commiserate with him, and entreat God warmly and silently both, to support you in that difficult time of trial, and to have mercy on your brother, who has fallen victim to the evildoer, the demon.
Forgiveness can be challenging but only through forgiveness of yourself and those involved in your story can help you find healing.
Moving Forward From a Traumatic Birth as a Christian
Once you have found healing, which looks different for every woman, it’s time to look forward. For me, when I was able to process my daughter's birth story and forgive myself and my doctor for what happened, I was no longer ashamed of how her birth went.
I was genuinely able to see her birth as what it was, the birth of my beautiful Daughter, and no one could take that from me. I didn’t need to be ashamed that I agreed to every single intervention that led to a cesarean section even though I wanted a natural birth. My love for myself and my daughter wasn’t diminished because she was cut out of me.
I am still worthy of love. I can look forward to my future births and not be sad that my daughter didn’t get exactly what I wanted. Our birth story together has knitted us into who we are today.
Moving forward from your traumatic birth isn’t a betrayal to yourself. It’s essential to find healing. The Church has given us tools and God has blessed practitioners with the ability to help you find healing. Please, don’t be afraid to reach out and get the help you need.
